Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Labels: Holiday Fun
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
After 30 months of trying to conceive and after 30 months of failing to....you'd think I'd be used to this feeling. That I would accustom myself to the disappointment that comes with the physical evidence that once again - once.again. - I am not pregnant. And sometimes, I AM accustomed to it. Sometimes I do fine - oh, sure - I whine a bit, I lay around and moan with chocolate and a heating pad...but fertility-wise, I do OK. But other times.....oh, other times....I do NOT do fine. Other times, I feel trapped in a broken body. Other times, I wonder why I ever thought "this month will be different!" Other times, I want to do physical harm to every pregnant woman I know (alienating myself from over half of my close friends....silly fertile ward). Other times, I sit at my desk biting my lip, hand over my eyes, trying desperately to keep quite as the tears trickle down my cheeks. Other times, all I can think is...why me?
And then I remember that I am not that unique. I remember that a good deal of my friends - friends who are now mothers - have experienced exactly this. I remember that infertility is becoming an unfortunately common diagnosis. And I remember that above all...above ALL - there is One who, long ago, voluntarily chose to experience infertility.....just so that I could go to Him in prayer and He could say, "...I know.....I know...".........And that is when I sigh...pick up my head....replenish the hope........and brace myself for another month.**
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
I've been missing lately...I apologize. Turning over new leaves sometimes means you have to re-turn over...and re-turn over. Bear with me as I...re-turn over.
I love Thanksgiving...don't you? This one was lovely - being with my family and eating lots of food is always cause for celebration. But as this was the first year where I actually contributed to the meal (by way of yummy rolls, mini pecan tassies, and sweet potato fries), I found that thanksgiving got lost....I don't mean Thanksgiving, capital T...I mean the act of being thankful. I forgot to do that. I know I don't need a holiday to be thankful (and believe me, I live everyday trying my hardest to be thankful). But as the point of the holiday is actually THANK...I missed it this year.
And so...humor me as I run through a list of random (and some not so random) things I'm thankful for.
I'm thankful for nephews. I'm thankful for gingerbread cupcakes. I'm thankful for my parents and their amazing love for each other after 38 years of marriage. I'm thankful for diet coke. I'm thankful for my cat and the life she brings to our home. I'm thankful it took 30 years to find my husband. I'm thankful for my job and Andrew's job. I'm thankful for my membership in The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter-day Saints. I'm thankful for movies. I'm thankful for teenage vampires, teenage werewolves, and fellow adult women who will drool and swoon over them with me. I'm thankful for one cute perfect little niece. I'm thankful for my house and its red walls. I'm thankful that my husband is the funniest person in the world. I'm thankful that God loves me enough to give me trials like fertility. I'm thankful that I get to be a bridesmaid to my dear sweet Lindsay. I'm thankful for a best friend in Korea who forgives me for being the worst emailer ever (soon...I promise). I'm thankful for our dear prophet, Thomas S. Monson. I'm thankful for peanut butter and chocolate. I'm thankful for rain. I'm thankful for my pretty red rain coat. I'm thankful for my sister...my beautiful, perfect, lovely sister. I'm thankful for my husband's love for me and my butt and my eyes and my tummy. I'm thankful for pretty purses that make me feel like a girl. I'm thankful for my dad who is so kind and loving and fun and sweet and cute. I'm thankful for amazing in-laws...truly amazing. I'm thankful for cookie cutters. I'm thankful that I live in Texas and that someone here came up with Chips and Queso. I'm thankful for a temple that is beautiful and holy. I'm thankful for Club Awesome and that I get to spend 9 hours a day with them. I'm thankful for my brother who is the most loyal person I know. I'm thankful for books. I'm thankful for people who buy my cupcakes. I'm thankful for Anne, the sweetest girl in town. I'm thankful for scriptures. I'm thankful for my calling...even when I'm not. I'm thankful for A and Di and the bond of The Triumvirate. I'm thankful for smiling. I'm thankful for legs that can run and a heart that loves to. I'm thankful for the ability to pause live TV. I'm thankful for my husband's haircut. I'm thankful for blogs and bloggers who inspire me. I'm thankful for Christmas time. I'm thankful for my mother who is the greatest woman I have ever, or will ever, know....and my idol. I'm thankful for my Savior, Jesus Christ, His life, His death, and His love for me. For ME.